


Next to you  (Lay me down)

by graceisintodrummers



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: 2010 - now, Angst, Kinda canon compliant, Lairport 2015, M/M, Song fic, Unrequited Love, a lot of misunderstangdings too, larry freeform, with side Ziam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-14
Updated: 2015-02-14
Packaged: 2018-03-12 09:38:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3351863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/graceisintodrummers/pseuds/graceisintodrummers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I’m reaching out to you<br/>Can you hear my call? (who's to say you won't hear me?)<br/>This hurt that I’ve been through<br/>I’m missing you, missing you like crazy.</p>
<p>____<br/>Harry and Louis are not just friends, that is for sure. But they are not boyfriend's either. Maybe soulmates describes it the best. And all Harry wants to be is next to Lou.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Next to you  (Lay me down)

**Author's Note:**

> This is for Luna, because she made me do this after Harry and Louis left LA together and I hate you, but also I love you. Happy Valentine's Day baby cakes<3

2010

 

_The moon, the stars are nothing without you._

 

“I think Niall is asleep too.” Harry whispers as he crawls under the blanket next to Louis again. “Maybe we should go to sleep too.” Louis shakes his head and throws an arm around the younger boy. “No. I don't want to sleep right now. We can't waste such a great night with something insignificant like sleep Harold.” Harry giggles and buries his face in Louis's shoulder. It's weird that it is so easy. It feels like they've known each other for a whole lifetime. Harry feels like Louis just understands him, like no one before has ever done. And the way their bodies just fit next to each other is honestly a little scary.  
“Are you drunk, Lou?” Harry asks, intertwining their hands together as if it was the most normal thing in the world. “Seriously Harold?” Louis tries to make his voice sound bothered but the younger boy can literally hear him smiling. “I had like two beers. Niall was a bit tipsy though. I bet he'll have a headache in the morning.” He turns around and Harry notices ones again how amazingly blue his eyes are. “This is good, right Lou? It is going to work, isn't it? The five of us, a band.” The older boy nods slowly. “It will. I'm still pissed at them for not putting you through though. I mean, your voice is so beautiful. You would have owned this stage.” Harry is so glad it's dark, so Louis can't see him blushing. “Maybe I'm even better with you.” Louis shuts his eyes and moves closer, so the tip of their noses almost touch. “Maybe.” He whispers. “Louis, I thought you didn't want to sleep?” The younger boy doesn't want to close his eyes, he just wants to look at the beautiful boy right next to him. “Maybe falling asleep next to you isn't the worst way to spend the night.” Harry thinks his heart has never beaten faster.

“Louis?” “Mhh?” “Do you believe in soulmates?”

The older boy opens his bright blue eyes. “I don't know...yes, maybe. I mean, it would be nice at least.” “I do.” Harry says. Since I met you, he adds silently.

 

 

August 2011

 

_Your touch, your skin, where do I begin?_

 

Harry looks at the sleeping boy next to him and gently runs his fingers through Louis' hair. This is what love feels like right? His heart beats faster as he thinks about last night. One year ago, he would have never thought it could be so easy. Meeting the boy who changes his life completely. Falling in love with him and being loved back. Being in a band together. Isn't that what he has always dreamed of? He touches Louis' collar bone softly with his finger tips. He can still remember the first time they met. The feeling when he looked into Louis' ocean blue eyes, like he'd found something he didn't even knew he was missing.

“Lou?” He whispers. “Louis are you awake?” The older boy turns around and opens his eyes carefully. “Good morning love.” Harry's smile turns even brighter and he lets Louis pull him closer, placing kisses on his bare skin. “We're officially room mates now, you know?” He teases.

“Room mates?” Harry asks. Louis smiles at him before he covers Harry's mouth with his.  
“A little more than that, to be honest.” He whispers against the other boy's lips. Harry thinks his heart could burst from happiness.

 

 

Dezember 2011

 

_These tears, they tell their own story_

 

Harry doesn't know how long he's been in Liam's arms crying now, but he doesn't care. Or he does, but he doesn't want to and he doesn't ever want to leave the older boy's comforting arms again.  
“Hazza, are you going to tell me what happened?” Harry shakes his head. “Should I call Louis?”

“No.” Harry looks up. “No, please, not Louis.” Liam looks major concerned now. “What did he do Hazza? Did he hurt you? Harry, tell me!” But Harry can't, he can't because if he says it out loud it becomes real. And that would mean Louis really has a girlfriend and Harry don't think he would survive that. “Can I just sleep here?” Liam still looks worried. “Please Li, I'll be fine in the morning.” The older boy smiles. “Sure. Of course Hazza. Just talk to me when you're ready.” But Harry doubts he ever will be.

As he wakes up it's still dark outside and he feels a warm body pressed against his back and he thinks that maybe Liam fell asleep beside him. But as he turns around he faces Louis who is probably the last person he wants to see right now. Except he isn't.

“Lou, what...?” “Don't be mad at Liam. I begged him and said I'd tell Zayn he has a crush on him if he didn't let me in.” Louis looks miserable. “Why are you here?” “Because you just left without a word and I was worried and...” “I mean why are you here in Liam's bed, next to me, and not somewhere with your girlfriend.” Louis sighs. “That is...It's nothing Harry.” “It didn't look like nothing.” Louis moves closer and Harry let's him, because he is here, right? It has to mean something. “It doesn't change anything between us my love. It's just to satisfy management, because they are always bothering me.” Harry swallows. “But she is your girlfriend.” Louis closes in, holding Harry in his arms and looks straight into his eyes. “But you're my soulmate. Remember?” Harry nods because he does. Yeah, they are soulmates and that counts so much more than girlfriends, right? “Yeah, but...” “No love. No buts. You are my soulmate. I'm always going to be next to you.” And maybe that is enough.

 

 

April 2012

 

_And I don’t want to be here if I can’t be with you tonight_

 

It is enough, even though it's hard. But their management is probably right, they are in a boyband, he can't just come out as gay. So he goes in every date they arrange for him and he tries not to start crying every time Eleanor kisses Louis. It will change, he tries to convince himself. There will be a time, when all of this is a lot easier, they just have to go through this for now. It going to be okay. And Louis is always next to him, like he promised, always right by his side. He never fails to look after Harry, his hand is always just inches away from the younger boys back, he is just always there.

And how can Harry complain when their on tour in freaking Australia. They played in Sydney tonight and it felt truly amazing. And now he is laying on the balcony of their hotel room and watches the stars over Australia. And it's okay, it's good, because Louis is right next to him.

“This is amazing right?”Louis takes Harry's hand in his and starts to play with the younger boy's fingers. “You and me. The night's sky.” Harry nods. He doesn't want to ruin this moment by saying anything. “You were amazing on stage tonight.” Louis smiles brightly at him and his eyes sparkle like a hundred stars being reflected in the ocean. “You too.” Harry whispers. “Do you think this is our life now? Is this what it's going to be like from now on?” Louis asks, turning his head to the sky again. “I don't know.” And Harry really doesn't. For all he knows it could be over tomorrow. Or it could last forever. “Well it doesn't matter.” Louis pulls Harry into it arms. “As long as you'll be still by my side.” Harry nods. “You will be, right?” Louis lifts himself up a little and leans over the younger boy. “What?” “You will be next to me, even when all of this is over. “Yeah.” Harry smiles a little. “Yes, Louis. Of course.” The older boy leans down to kiss Harry. “That's good Harry Styles!” But Harry is not sure about that. Is it really? It feels like it right now, yes. His heart always beats faster when Louis' hand touches his, and he smiles whenever Louis' eyes crinkle and his smell is his favourite and yes it is good. But it is not good, when Louis has to be the boy with the college girlfriend, even worse when Harry has to be the boy who sleeps with every woman. And he doesn't know if it's going to be okay. But he doesn't want to worry right now, he just wants to enjoy that Louis is next to him.

 

 

December 2012

 

_You told me not to cry when you were gone._

 

It should be the best day of his life. Of their lives. It should be everything and more. It should be their dreams coming true, but it feels nothing like it. Not when he spend all night crying cuddled up between Liam and Zayn and not when Louis told him that he loves Eleanor and that they should just be friends. Not when he has to date Taylor Swift, because management says it would good for his repetition.

“Louis looks like he cried his eyes out last night too.” Liam whispers to Zayn who has his arms thrown around Harry, holding him close. And Harry is confused, because Louis walks into the courtroom looking miserable and he has the urge to go to him and bury himself in his arms. But he can't. His eyes meet Louis', which have the kind of colour the sea has after a stormy night, a little darker than usual, almost more grey than blue and Harry heart stops for a second. Louis tries a smiles before he looks away and Harry needs all of his strength not to start crying again.

It isn't until a few minutes before they go out on stage that their eyes meet again. Niall gathers them to do a group hug and say a few words.  
“I love you, I love you more than anyone in the world!” Harry doesn't turn his eyes from Louis as Niall speaks. They just look at each other and he is not sure if his heart is still beating.

“This is it, our dream. And I can't imagine dreaming it alone. I need you by my side. Forever.” They hug and Harry loses Louis' eyes. As they part he squeezes Liam's hand but turns away right after, so the older boy doesn't see his tears. He feels a smaller body closing in beside him. “I'm still next to you Harry.”

 

 

 

May 2013

 

_No words can explain the way I’m missing you_

 

Harry has learned to deal with it. He and Louis are friends. And they are on tour together, so they get to see each other all the time and Louis held his promise. He is still next to him, like he said he would be. He is still there when Harry needs comfort or a joke or when he misses his mum and is overwhelmed by all the people coming to see them. Louis is here. But he is not, not like before. He is more distant especially in public, they don't interact as they did before. And what's worst he doesn't come to sleep in his bed any more. And Harry hates sleeping alone.

He has been out partying with Niall and Liam for a bit, because he needed to distract himself and they are in Europe which means their old enough to drink. And maybe he had one or two glasses too many, he feels a bit tipsy and he misses Louis, so instead of going to his own room he sneaks into Bus 1 because he knows he'll find him there. And he was right, Louis is spread on the couch, looking at his phone. “Zayn has just left.” Louis states before he looks up and notices Harry. “Hi.”

“Oh. Oops. I thought you were Liam. Hi.” Harry doesn't give any explanation on why he is here, he just stumbles forward to the couch and falls into Louis' arms. And the older boy doesn't asks. He just holds Harry, strokes his back and kisses his forehead. “Hi Harry. How was your night out with the boys?” “I missed you.” Louis smiles. “Yeah, I know, just wasn't in the mood tonight.” But Harry shakes his head. “Not just tonight. I miss you all the time.” Harry regrets the words as soon as he said them. He should really stop drinking with Niall, he always ends up wasted. “Sorry.” He mutters under his breath and buries his head in Louis' sweater. “Don't be Harry. I miss you too. But I'm here. I am still next to you.” And Harry really doesn't want to cry, but he is drunk and he is here in Louis' arms and he missed him so much. “It's okay Harry.” Louis whispers but his voice breaks. He just holds Harry closer. “Can we just stay on the bus tonight? Just the two of us?” Harry knows he shouldn't asks, he knows this only makes things more complicated. But he needs this night. “Of course.”

 

 

August 2013

 

_And it's hard, the days just seem so dark_

 

“He is engaged, Harry.”

Harry hates it, he hates Liam crying on his shoulder because Zayn is engaged. What is happening with them. “Why does it hurt so much?” Liam asks and it breaks Harry's heart. He looks to Niall who is sitting in front of him looking even more helpless than Harry feels. “I...I don't know.” The curly boy searches for words when there are none. “It...I don't know why it hurts. Or maybe I do. Maybe because you care more about him than he does about you. But Li...he still cares, you know? He didn't want to hurt you. I'm sure about it. It's just...don't know it's complicated...but...it will get easier, it will hurt less. I know how you feel and I promise the pain will go away.” Not completely though, he adds silently. “I know Harry, I am sorry.” Liam sobs in his shirts and Harry holds him, stroking his back in comfort trying to ignore Niall's confused and concerned look. “I am sorry Hazza.” Liam whispers again and Harry's heart aches from pain, because he knows what Liam feels and he knows that Liam knows how he felt, how he still does and all the pain in his heart is not unnoticed any more.

The doorbell rings and Niall stands up to open it, shaking his head in confusion as he looks at his two band mates on the sofa. Harry closes his eyes.

“Why did you just leave without saying a word?” It's Louis, Harry would recognize his voice on an airport with millions of people, and he sounds concerned. Harry forces himself to open his eyes.

“Honestly?” Niall answers following the older boy into his living room. “I have no idea what is going on?” “Harry?” Louis looks at him, eyebrows raised, but Harry is still mad. “Don't Louis. Don't, because you know. You knew. You knew that he got engaged. How could you not warn us at least?” Harry stands up, even though Liam doesn't really want to let him go. “I didn't...Zayn...Sorry” Louis stumbles over his own words and it's not often that he doesn't know what to say. “You knew. And you didn't tell us.” Harry doesn't know why he is so mad at him, he should be mad at Zayn after all. Or maybe he shouldn't because he doesn't know Zayn's reasons at all, he doesn't know why he did it. But he is mad at Louis, because he is supposed to tell him things, yet he never does. He didn't with Eleanor and he didn't now with Zayn, but maybe that's not really what this is about.

“I'm sorry, Liam.” Louis says, eyes on the ground. And then again. “I'm really sorry.” It's a lot quieter the second time, just for Harry, and the younger boy really wants to let down his guards and wrap his arms around Louis, but he can't and he won't.

“Zayn is miserable too. And he's sorry, Li.” Louis adds and Harry closes his eyes. “It's okay Louis...just go take care for Zayn then.”

He goes back to the couch and hides in Liam's arms. After a few minutes he hears someone coming back into the room. “He is gone.” Niall says, sitting down beside his boys. “Can someone please tell me what is going on?” But Harry can't. Ignoring the fact that he doesn't feel like he's able to talk right now, he just doesn't know. He has no idea what the hell his life is any more so he just let's Liam do the talking for once. He isn't really able to listen to his band mate's voice trying to explain the whole situation to Niall. All that he can think is that Louis is not next to him.

 

 

February 2014

 

_I’ll take care of you_

 

Harry is slowly getting better. It is easier to see Louis, it is easier to see Eleanor and he begins to talk to other boys. He still misses Louis at nights and everything he does is still connected to Louis somehow but he likes to think he is getting better with the time. Being friends with Lou is not so hard any more, but it is also okay to be away from him for a few weeks when they are on a break. But now they've won 2 BRIT Awards and it is amazing and they can celebrate right? They really should be celebrating, so Harry is. He is on the dance floor dancing and drinking and enjoying himself. And he dances with some boys too, because it is all fun and games tonight right. Normally this isn't what he enjoys but now he just wants to dance so he does. He does, until Niall walks up to him and drags him along. “What is going on Ni, I want to dance.” Niall nods. “I know, but Louis left and he was really upset and I still don't understand any of this but I think you should go after him.” Harry gasps. “Why should I....? No.” Niall sighs and pulls him towards the door. “Please Harry. I love you, all of you, and I don't want this unsolved tension between you guys. Please be the wise one for now.” And Niall eyes are so honest, Harry can't deny him anything. And maybe he is right. “Okay. Okay I will do it.”

He knocks on the door of Louis' hotel room, half of him hoping that the other boy just doesn't open. But the other half hopes he does and just pulls him into his rescuing arms.

“Lou, are you in there? Please open.” He knocks again and this time the door opens. Louis is standing in front of him, looking confused and also as if he had cried. “Harry?”

The younger boy swallows. “Can I...Can I come in?” Louis seems even more confused. “Sure.”

Normally the silence between them were always natural, comforting even, but now it's just awkward. Louis sits down at the kingsized bed and points at the space beside him. Harry takes it as a invite. “I...” He doesn't know how to start. “Is...Are you mad at me?” Louis raises his eyebrows. “What?” “Are you mad? Did I do something wrong?” Louis shakes his head a couple times. “No. No Harry, why would you think that?” Harry can't look up, he doesn't want to see Louis' eyes. He knows they are all sad right now, this dark shade of blue, almost turning into grey and he can't see it right now. “You just left. And Niall said you were mad and I don't really know what I did to upset you, but I think...” “No...” Louis stops him. “It is okay really, you can do whatever you want, you can dance with whoever you want, if that's what makes you happy, it's fine.” But something in his voice betrays him, something that say nothing is fine. And it makes Harry angry. “Don't be like this Louis.” He looks up and green eyes meet blue and it hurts even more than he imagined. “Don't. Don't judge me for having fun when you are the one with a girlfriend.” Louis stands, running his fingers through his hair. “Harry, I told you it doesn't mean anything.” “Yeah you keep saying that but you're still with her.” Harry stands up too, because he is too angry to sit down, he is too upset too hold still and also he is craving Louis' arms. But he can't.

“Harry, I...” Louis searches for the right words. “I...You know I wrote “Strong” for you, right? It's still...it's still true.” Harry swallows, blinking away the tears. “And I wrote “Something Great” for you.” He whispers and then he pulls Louis close, because it doesn't matter. All of this, all the unspoken things between them are not important in this moment and he just wants to be there for Louis and for Louis to be there for him. “I'm sorry Haz.” The older boy mumbles into his shoulder. “Me too.” Harry kisses his forehead, like he used to. Louis wraps his arms about the younger boy's waist and presses their bodies against each others. “I'm still here Harry. Until the end. I'm always next to you.”

 

 

June 2014

 

_Can I lay by your side, next to you, you; And make sure you’re alright?_

 

They are in Paris and somehow Harry feels worse again. Maybe because he gets homesick after three month on tour, or maybe because Eleanor is going to meet them or maybe, just maybe because it is Paris and he loves this city and it's his and Louis' after all. He remembers being here for the first time with the boys, being fascinated with the city lights, with all the art and culture, with the flowers and the sun, with the Eiffel tour with the sound this city makes. And he remembers being in love, not just with Paris, but with his life. And with Louis. It was the first time he felt it for sure, when they were standing on one of the many bridges, looking down in the sparkling water and Louis told some story, he doesn't remember. But he can still recall how his heart beat faster looking into Louis eyes, which had the colour of the summer's sky and he knew he was in love.

And now they are here again, three years later and the city is still bursting from love, but Harry is not. And the worst is that he thought he was doing fine, better at least. But right now he is not, so he lays down on his bed after the concert and starts to cry. He cries until Zayn sneaks into the room and under the blanket and pets Harry's hair until he stops. “Are you alright Harry?” He asks and Harry wants to say yes, because he will be, eventually. But he can't speak. He hopes Zayn will understand and he thinks he does as he just holds him tighter.

Harry closes his eyes and allows himself to relax a little, comforted by Zayn's hand stroking his hair. After a while Zayn stands up to leave and Harry wants to protest, but he still can't speak or maybe he doesn't want to. Someone comes back a couple of minutes later and Harry thinks it's Zayn again, so he doesn't even bother to open his eyes.  
“Can I lay by your side?” It's not Zayn. “Louis?” He moves a little so Louis can lay down. “What are you doing here?” “Just wanted to make sure you're alright.” They lay their for a while, next to each other but not touching, eyes closed and the only sound is the beat of their hearts in sync.

“I'm sorry.” Louis says after some minutes or hours, Harry has lost a bit track of time. “For what?” He asks, opening his eyes to see Louis looking at him. “For everything. For making you cry.” “It's not because of you.” Harry says. “Not really.” He adds. “Still. I'm sorry.” Louis repeats and then he kisses Harry. It's soft and quick, their lips touch just for a few seconds and then it's over. “What...?” Harry wants to asks but the older boy interrupts him. “Shh Haz. Not right now.” And then he pushes Harry around gently and wraps his arms around him for a while. “Let's just sleep for a while Harry. I just want to be next to you.” And Harry feels his warm breath against his skin and he feels save. Sleeping sounds really good.

 

 

November 2014

 

_Deny this emptiness, this hole that I’m inside_

 

Harry decided something for the new year but he thought he'd rather start soonr than later. He isn't going to let anyone decide how he has to be or how to act, how he should dress and what he should say. After all, he is old enough to make his own decisions. He knows that he can't just go out admiting he likes boys. He won't do anything to hurt the band. But he will allow himself to be the person he wants to be.

And at the same time, he is trying to fill the whole in his heart, the whole Louis left when he wasn't next to him any more when Harry woke up a few month ago and he hasn't come to his bed since then.

It helps, focusing on himself, rather than on Louis. He still loves him but right now he is fine with the fact that he always will. It is just the way it is. He will never not love Louis. But it's okay, he is fine as long as Louis is still in his life, as long as he gets to see his piercing blue eyes and hear his beautiful voice singing the words he wrote for him and as long as he gets to feel his arms around him now and then.

“Hazza, can I ask you something?” Liam brings him back from his thoughts. They are waiting to get to their interview, because they got separated again. They always do this, but Harry thinks he will never really get used to it.  
“Yeah sure.” He smiles at Liam. “Does is really go away?” Harry looks up. “No, not really.”

“Oh. Okay. I already figured.” The younger boy moves closer to his friend and squeezes his hand. “It gets easier though. On some days.”

 

 

 

 

December 2014

 

_But the feeling’s overwhelming, it's much too strong_

 

December has always been Harry's favourite time of the year, with Christmas coming around and all the lights that decorate London, the cold air that fills up his lung and his heart, all the people smiling a little brighter than usually. Plus he really enjoys being back on X Factor and he knows Louis enjoys it too. And they just performed with Ronnie, they performed Broken Hearts, his song, with a music legend and Harry is buzzing from energy right now.

“Harry, this was amazing” Niall hugs him from behind as they go backstage and Harry laughs, because it was.

It isn't until later that night, when they moved the party to Niall's place that Harry gets to talk to Louis. He is a bit tipsy and from what he saw Louis is too. “You were amazing on stage tonight.” Louis whispers in his ear, standing close to him on the balcony where Harry escaped to a while ago.

“Thanks.” He smiles at Louis, who is standing there just in a T-Shirt, looking as beautiful as ever. “You are cold.” He gets out of his jacket and throws it over Louis small shoulders. Suddenly they are so close and this time Harry kisses Louis. It's more passionate than a last time. And Louis kisses him back as if his lips were the only thing he is craving. His hands hold on Harry's shirt and Harry places his on Louis cheeks, breathing him in, inhaling him. Then Louis breaks the kiss.

“Sorry.” Harry mutters. “I'm just...I'm feeling a lot tonight.” Louis pecks his lips again, before he turns around to leave. “I know. Thanks for the jacket.”

 

 

January 2015

 

 

_Yes, I do, I believe that one day I will be where I was_

 

Harry is in L.A. when Liam calls him, saying there is a code red, meaning on of the band members has some serious troubles. “Who?” Harry asks concerned, even though he thinks he knows the answers from the tone of Liam's voice. “Louis. I think you should come.” “Li, you know that I am in L.A., how exactly do you think I should to this?” He can hear Liam clearing his throat through the phone. “We are too.” “You are too what?” “In L.A.” Harry gasps. “You're in L.A.? I'm coming.”

Liam opens the door and greets Harry with a hug. “I think he drank too much and he is having a bit of a breakdown? I thought that you could talk to him maybe? You're the only one who can calm him down. And I really tried.” Harry nods. “Thank you Li. I'll take it from here.”

He knocks on the door softly. “Lou?” He waits for an answer a moment but as he doesn't get any he just walks in. Louis is laying on the bed, head buried in the pillow and his shoulders are moving up and down. It breaks Harry's heart. “Louis. Hey!” He sits down beside him, gently touching his back with his finger tips. “I'm so sorry Harry.” Louis mumbles into the pillow. “You don't have to be, everything is fine, there is nothing to be sorry for.” The older boy lifts is head to look at Harry. “There is. And I'm sorry.” He wipes his tears away with the sleeve of his sweater, which Harry recognizes to be one of his, he thought he had lost during the last tour. “Can you just lay down with me? Hold me?” “Sure.” Harry gets comfortable next to Louis and he remembers the few moments when they shared this kind of silence in the last two years. “Do you think we had a chance. If things were differently, if we didn't got so popular, we would be together right now, laying in our own little apartment, talking about our marriage?” Harry is a little caught out of guard by Louis' question because why would it have made any difference when Louis loves Eleanor. “I don't know.” He says, honestly. “Do you think we have a chance. Sometime in the future. Do you think we could work?” “I...Louis, why are you asking me this?” Louis breathes in deeply and closes his eyes. “You...I have to tell you something, and you will be mad at me Harry. But you have to know I only did it because I love you. I always have.” If he wasn't confused before, he is now. “I...I lied to you about something, I...Eleanor, she is less than I told you Haz. She is not even my girlfriend. She never has been and I never loved her. I only did this to protect you, because management convinced me that this was the best for all of us, for me, for you, for the boys. And I thought this would be just for a short time, but the longer it lasted, the less I could get out. And I couldn't tell you Harry, because I knew you wouldn't have let me do it. But I needed to protect you. I needed to protect to because I love you. And the worst thing is I couldn't. You still had to go out with Taylor and Kendall and all these other girls and it broke my heart and all I wanted to do was telling you, but you would have hated me. And the only reason I'm telling you right now is that I can't cope with it any more. And I know I'm not being fair right now, because you are better and you have Jeff but I needed you to know that I will always love you, even if it doesn't change a thing, you needed to know.” Harry closes his eyes, trying not to cry. A part of him always waited for Louis to say these words. That he loves him, that Eleanor means nothing more than publicity, that they can make it. But it also means he lied to him for the last years and that he probably cried himself to sleep as many nights as Harry did. And the younger boy doesn't really know how to deal with it. “Harry, love, please, say something.” Louis has never sound so desperate and Harry doesn't like it. “I...Jeff is just a friend.” Louis frowns. “Oh...okay, I...” “But I guess, I just...I need some time.” Louis nods. “Okay, yeah, whatever you want. Just tell me how I can make it easier for you, please.” Harry stands up. Everything in his head is spinning right now, he has no idea what to think or even what to feel. “You can try to prove it to me. Act on your words Louis.” And with that Harry leaves, storming past a very confused Liam. It's raining outside and Harry thinks how ironic this is, because it never rains in L.A. it just doesn't.

 

 

February 2015

 

_Right there, right next to you_

 

Harry is really excited for the tour to start as arrives at the LAX airport. He is also a really afraid to see Louis. They haven't really talked since the older boy told him that he loved him. He showed up on his birthday with flowers in his hand and mix tape, Harry can't stop listening to since Sunday. But Louis had left after a long hug, saying he wants Harry to spend the time with his family and that they would see each other in Australia.

And now he is just an 14 hour flight away from seeing Louis and he still doesn't know what to say or do. He loves him, of course he does and he wants to be with him, but he is afraid that he can't trust him any more. And that's the worst feeling ever. He has thought about it a lot and he thinks he understands why Louis did what he did. He still feels betrayed though.

He looks around while he is waiting for his bodyguards to clear the way. He has always liked airports. There is no other place where emotions are so honest like on airports. The joy of seeing a loved one again, the comfort of coming home, the excitement of going somewhere new and the pain of letting someone go. It is nowhere more real than on an airport. And he likes the noises here, thousands of voices speaking, laughing, crying, it fills Harry with a strange warmth he can't really explain.

“Hi. Sorry I'm late.” Harry's heart skips a beat as he recognizes the voice, under hundreds of others speaking, the voice who is his favourite in the whole world. He turns around. “Louis.” The older boys smiles brightly, the kind of smiles that makes his eyes crinkle. “Hi.” Harry gasps not believing what his eyes are trying to tell him it's true. They haven't been out together in public for two years and now Louis is here, leaving L.A. with him for everyone to see. “I...I thought you'd already left with Li yesterday.” “Well, I didn't.” “But, why?" "Acting on my words love.” And Harry's heart stops beating again. “Come on boys, we have to get going.”

All the way to the plane Harry can only think about Louis leaving with him. His heart is still beating incredibly fast as the older boy sits down beside him in the plane. “Hi Harry.” Louis' voice is all soft. He offers Harry his left hand to hold, and younger boy takes it. “I'm right here Harry, right next to you.”

 

 

 

 

_14\. February 2015_

 

_Harry woke up next to Louis today and maybe it will take a while for them to be alright, but right now it is all that counts._

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Valentine's Day no matter what you do today. I hope you have a good one. Thank you for reading. You are beautiful and I love you <3


End file.
